Needlenose

I know the liberal ‘party line’ is that cash for clunkers was a wild success for the Obama stimulus package, rapidly getting cash into the economy and particularly in a stressed out sector, the auto industry.

Well I’ve got a clunker from ’96.  Naturally I thought “I wanna get me some of that cash!”   No such luck.  In ’96 I bought the most fuel economical 4-door sedan I could get, a Mazda manual transmission that used to get me about 36 mpg (now maybe about 30).  I discovered there was a bottom threshold on the gas mileage and my car didn’t qualify.

So being a conscientious environmentalist, buying a fuel sensible vehicle really just makes me a cash-cow chump who must pay for my good behavior by paying for self-absorbed assholes who chose gas guzzlers back in the day.

Seriously, this really blows.

Forget giving cash to jackasses, fuck the carrot, what we need is the stick – let’s slam them with higher gasoline taxes – you’ll see clunker SUVs disappear off the roads far faster than this silly rebate program.  And if the government really wants to shower cash on us, just give us some god damned $5K gift certificates we can spend on whatever we want.  Or better, just cut my taxes by $5K, I promise I’ll spend it on something.

More depressing news regarding our campaign to eradicate other life forms;

“The new analysis shows 869 species became extinct or extinct in the wild since the year 1500 while 290 more species are considered critically endangered and possibly extinct.

At least 16,928 species are threatened with extinction, including nearly one-third of amphibians, more than one in eight birds and nearly a quarter of mammals.”

I no longer support the search for extraterrestrial life – if we found any, we’d just have to go out there and kill it.

Remember way back when — oh, just over a week ago — when I mentioned that the bad news on the federal budget deficit was going to get worse? Well, that didn’t take long, did it?

“The U.S. budget outlook continues to deteriorate,” wrote William C. Dudley, an economist at Goldman Sachs, after analyzing the government’s latest revenue data. “Our estimate of $300 billion for fiscal 2003 looks somewhat optimistic.”

If you were planning on receiving Social Security in about 20-25 years, I’m afraid it’s time to start making other plans. After an eight-year break, the Republican strategy to reduce your reliance on government programs (by systematically bankrupting the government) is back in effect.